Rule X: The Myth Of Finding The Perfect Whatever
Beyond Order
There are chapters in a book that strike you. Either you laugh or think deeply about what you just read, and you come back again to try to understand the message the author is trying to share in more detail.
While reading Beyond Order by Jordan Peterson, I found myself laughing at one phrase and also thinking about everything.
The chapter in question is about Romance and relationships, but the concept can be expanded to other realms of life, such as career.
The chapter is Rule X: Plan And Work Diligently To Maintain The Romance In Your Relationship.
Many good things to take from this rule, being one of them buying my wife a lingerie to keep the romance alive. I confess that I did not buy the lingerie yet, but it is something worth considering. It will take courage on my side to do this.
This is the phrase that made me laugh and think:
“…if there was someone out there who was perfect, they would take one look at you and run away screaming.”
Ouch!
This phrase refers to when we are young and full of hope and we believe that there’s someone in the future that is going to be our perfect soulmate.
Kind of like Disney back in the days when the princesses are waiting for their prince to save them in their white house and the prince is tall, handsome, and flawless.
The reality of the matter is that there isn’t anyone out there who is perfect. And you certainly know that you are not perfect and that you are a work in progress.
So why would someone, who is perfect, want to be with someone who is not? This is settling for less, which is something that you are not willing to do according to your standards.
So, if there isn’t anyone “perfect”, what do we do? Perhaps what Dr Peterson suggests is not a bad idea:
Signing up with someone who is as at least as much trouble as you… — and you start to transform the two of you into one reasonable person.
I decided to do the same exercise but focused on finding a job and career progression. Let’s take romance out of the picture for a second and think about when we plan our future careers and the paths we want to follow.
The “Perfect” Job
Every time we go to an interview and we are asked where we see ourselves in X amount of years or what are we looking for in our next job we tend to describe a scenario where our teammates are supportive, good people, our manager is a good leader, and the company provides a great culture where we can strive and progress both personally and professionally.
Nothing wrong with that. That’s exactly what we should all strive for. We don’t want to work in a place where the culture is toxic, there’s no clear path to progress, and our manager sucks.
What I’m thinking here is whether we ever stopped to think if we are the exactly perfect candidate for the position, as companies usually state when they reach out to you.
Since we both know that there’s no such thing as the “perfect” candidate or the perfect position, what should we aim for?
Maybe this is just me, but I wouldn’t mind working in a place where there’s room for negotiation.
Going back a few pages in Rule X, there’s a part where Dr. Peterson discusses the roles of negotiation, tyranny, and slavery.
Tyranny is what we all should try with all our strengths to avoid. A place where we have no voice, which in turn, turns us into slaves.
No one wins in an environment like this, not the employer, or the employee.
We would like to work in a place where we have a voice, where we feel useful and we can negotiate. Take it like negotiating a salary. It can be difficult and somehow uncomfortable.
It's a good idea to fight for what you want and what you think is the best but it's also good for those who are on the other side to fight for what he/she wants and thinks is the best.
We want to strive for a win/win situation. Meaning that both sides have to sacrifice something to find the equilibrium. This contradicts the notion of “perfection” which is that we have all that we desire and want.
But this is a much better deal than striving for “perfection”. In perfection, only one side wins. Leaving the other side —perhaps—with the feeling that they have been played.
Final Thoughts
Let me think of a perfect ending for this piece of writing…
Wait!
There’s no perfect ending.